Wait! Please wait. I'm not done with that person yet!
A probably futile and definitely selfish request, don't you think? But I think we all make it when hearing of a less than desirable diagnosis, or some other life-changing event, for someone close to us, someone who makes a difference in our lives, whether that person is a parent, friend, husband, wife, co-worker, aunt, uncle, cousin, grandmother, grandfather, or variation of any of those roles. I know I've made that plea a number of times, too many times. Sometimes, I get more time. Sometimes not. Sometimes, the extra time comes with big changes for the person I've pleaded for as well as the relationship I have with them.
For me, that request comes from the fear of the absence of someone I, however unreasonably, expect to be there, participating in my life, forever. I want to continue to be able to enjoy their presence and not deal with anything else but that. No changes allowed. Everybody's happy and healthy. (Yes, I do live in a dream world.) And this news is the reminder, the wake up call, the slap, that life just doesn't progress the way I want it to.
I know some may say, "Grow up!" I am, I have, and I continue to. I suppose this post is part of the process for me and a way to air my fears.
Growing up isn't fun is it? I don't know what's worse, having to adjust your expectations for life with that person or having them snatched away unexpectedly. Can't we just keep things the same? Grrr.
Posted by: Julie | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 09:21 AM
Yeah, I know that feeling.
Posted by: Carrie | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 10:03 AM
I'm sorry, Angie.
Posted by: Nora | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 10:53 AM
A feeling I know too well. And it has nothing to do with growing up. If you didn't feel that way, you'd be a person with no emotional attachment to other humans--and that's not even remotely mature or right.
I'm sorry for whatever piece of bad news has come your way.
Posted by: Amy Rea | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 11:43 AM
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
*hugs*
Posted by: Cookie! | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 02:33 PM
Sorry - thinking of you. Hugs!
Posted by: Joy | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 04:58 PM
I'm so sorry. I live in the same fantasy world (everyone happy & healthy)and it sucks when reality intrudes. Hang in there. Sending hugs.
Posted by: Kim | Friday, January 09, 2009 at 07:30 PM
Some of us measure our lives by the people who are part of them. I find it saddest when I'm far from someone and miss them even though they're not part of my everyday life.
Posted by: Angie | Saturday, January 10, 2009 at 07:25 PM
I feel the same way.
*hugs*
Posted by: Carrie K | Monday, January 12, 2009 at 12:02 AM